Don't Call Me Midlife

Crafting Your Last Love Letter with Anita and Amy [Modern Mom Date]

May 23, 2024 • Alix Mackey & Nicole Stassinopoulos • Episode 33

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When time slips away, what moments stay with us forever? In this episode, Alix and Nicole are joined by sisters Amy and Anita to talk about Your Last Love Letter, a project born from their personal loss and desire to keep the memory of loved ones alive. They discuss the importance of honoring final wishes and preserving legacies, sharing their own stories with laughter and tears. Together, they explore the emotions of saying goodbye and the comfort that comes from knowing those we love will never be forgotten.

In this episode, we talk about the following:
1. Handling loss and grief and the creation of 'Your Last Love Letter'.
2. Importance of sharing and documenting family stories and memories.
3. The emotional and practical aspects of handling our parents' aging.

You can connect with Anita and Amy on:
Website www.yourlastloveletter.com
Instagram @yourlastloveletter
Facebook Your Last Love Letter

Your Last Love Letter: A Comprehensive End-of-Life Planning Guide:
www.yourlastloveletter.com/yourlastloveletterguide

5 Questions to Ask Your Loved Ones 
https://yourlastloveletter.myflodesk.com/5questionstoaskyourlovedones


Join the Midlife Squad:
Want to stay up to date on the Don't Call Me Midlife podcast and community? Click below so we can keep you in the know!
www.itstradish.myflodesk.com/dontcallmemidlife

Hang Out on Social:
Follow Alix on Instagram @everydaywithalix
Follow Nicole on Instagram @touch_of_stass

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Help us expand our mom-tourage! Share our podcast with your fellow mom friends and let's conquer midlife together.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Don't Call Me Midlife podcast. I'm Nicole and I'm Alex. We're your coffee-addicted, wine-loving, amazon-obsessed mom squad. Think of us as your new besties, but with a podcast. And, just like you, we're navigating the Google-defined chaos of midlife while wrangling a pack of boys. But here's the twist we're more than just moms and wives. We're on a mission to reclaim our identities beyond motherhood, and we're bringing you along for the wild ride.

Speaker 1:

Now, we don't pretend to have all the answers to life's mysteries, but we're so good at learning and laughing our way through them. So whether you're sipping from your trusty Stanley, indulging in an oat milk latte from Starbucks or raising a glass of Whispering Angel, get ready to hang with us. Together. We'll keep it real, have some laughs and remind you that this crazy journey called life is one adventure worth sharing.

Speaker 1:

In this episode, we are talking to sisters, amy and Anita and their new business called your Last Love Letter, and this is a reality that we are facing more and more in midlife, with losing loved ones, whether it is a parent, a spouse, a friend and they have put together a guide to help preserve memories and honor legacies of our loved ones. This is a beautiful, heartfelt episode where we talk to them about their story and how this came about. It's not something that is we want to say we're excited about talking about, but I think it is something that I appreciate that they are bringing this up. So I think there's a lot of tips and a lot of beautiful things that we can do with our loved ones, so I would definitely think this is worth a listen.

Speaker 1:

Hey Alex, how are you? I'm good. Hey Anita and Amy, how are you? Hi, alex and Nicole, we're good. Well, we're excited for every Modern Mom Date, but especially excited for this one. We're not going to tell you yet what we're talking about, because we're going to talk about what's in our cup first.

Speaker 1:

So, nicole, what is in your cup. I have some water, so I've been trying to get my steps in every morning with my dog and I'm working out, so I'm just hydrating.

Speaker 2:

And so I got my. Like I don't know, we have the same color.

Speaker 1:

That's so funny. What's in your Stanley Mine? Is water with LMNT. I'm very boring today. I'm trying to cut back on coffee, but drink more electrolytes, and it's getting warmer in Boston, so so I feel like I just want that more. So, yeah, amazing, amazing Anita what's in your cup.

Speaker 3:

Mine is my favorite that I drink almost every day it is um. Dietosling is the best ginger beer, totally so okay, that's what we have that's like a shirley temple, it's like a. I love that, yeah with the zing and I've dubbed it the carolina girl. Yeah, that's what we call it here in the Schwer house. I love that.

Speaker 1:

I love that. Amy, what's in your cup?

Speaker 2:

Well, mine's not as fun as Anita's, but my cup actually is. One of the things about midlife that I'm learning is that I just don't care sometimes, and my son made this for me for Christmas a couple of years ago.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that's amazing, I have leftover Starbucks in here y'all. Y'all do that.

Speaker 2:

Do you drink like half of your coffee? Okay, and then, I don't know, I have a hydro glass, yes, so yeah.

Speaker 3:

I do my water too.

Speaker 1:

I never not finish my coffee. I do Really If I get like a latte like a fun drink, I'll drink all the black coffee, but if I get like a fun drink, I just find I don't drink it because I'll usually get in the afternoon, and then I'll put it in the fridge.

Speaker 3:

I do that. I do that Every time. That's so funny, yeah, and you reheat your coffee about a million times in the morning.

Speaker 2:

That is a true statement. Yeah, do you think that's a midlife?

Speaker 1:

thing, or is that just a woman thing?

Speaker 2:

I think that is a probably just a woman thing.

Speaker 1:

Cause I've been doing that for years years and years long before midlife yes, well, speaking of midlife, amy, let's get your take on midlife. How do you feel about midlife?

Speaker 2:

That was a great question and I had to ponder it for a moment. And then I remembered before. So I'm 52. And when I was 49, like it, I kind of was having one of those moments where I was like looking at my whole entire life and like, you know, you kind of go, what have I done and what do I want to do? How about am I doing good with the kids? And oh my gosh, I can't believe I've been married this long and anyway.

Speaker 2:

And so one of the things that, um, I was just reminded of because I am a woman of faith, and one of the things that I felt like God told me was you are not done yet. Because I think I was like, oh my gosh, my kids are gone and even though I have a 14-year-old daughter who still has four more years at home, I just was like what am I going to do? I don't know what to do now. And that was one of the things that he just graciously said was well, you're not done yet. And so I think that that's kind of defining for midlife for me is that I'm not done yet and I don't have to be perfect in what I am doing, but I am trying to remember to be adventurous and risky. And the other thing is don't play small. I think I've probably played small sometimes in my life and I don't want to keep doing that as I get older and wiser.

Speaker 1:

Love that and that's a great thing for your daughter to see. Don't play small yeah. Yeah, awesome. How about you, anita, oh?

Speaker 3:

my gosh Following up that. I don't know if we can follow that I'm like I really am like okay guys like drop some Ditto Ditto.

Speaker 3:

Yeah Well, I am 49 now, so I'm kind of in that you kind of do hit that where you're like oh wow, 50 is kind of crazy that I'm going to be 50.

Speaker 3:

But I think in midlife what I have learned now is a little bit going back to what Amy's Cup is Like. I just have gotten to the point in my life where I really don't care what people think, like you know what I'm saying. Like sometimes I feel like in your 20s and 30s you can really sit in that and kind of keep up with the Joneses kind of lifestyle, and I just feel like when you get a little bit older you're like, okay, like this doesn't make sense, like why do I care? Why do I care? And I feel like that's very freeing. Now there's still sometimes I'm not going to say it never happens, but there's definitely sometimes where I still have to check myself. But for the most part I feel like I'm very grateful for everything that God's given me and opportunities he's given me and being able to just experience life in the stage I'm at now. You know yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, alex and I love to be intentional.

Speaker 3:

That's our midlife yeah, that's my word for the year. Oh, it is. Yeah, we love it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's like our favorite word with everything that we do. We love it. Yeah, yeah, that's like our favorite word with everything that we do. Well, these two wonderful ladies are sisters and they are co-founders of your Last Love Letter and I can't wait to hear about their story.

Speaker 1:

I think you are talking about something with this generation of seeing our parents get older and bring it to light, cause I don't, this was one of the things I think in my midlife that I didn't anticipate. Right, we, nicole and I, talk about we're dealing with like teenagers in puberty, and I'm dealing with my mom and taking her to the doctor, or you know, I mean, a lot of our moms are also dads, are also very healthy, but just this change of when your parents get that, you know that moment when you notice that they're like a little bit older and it's like wait, what did you just repeat yourself, like what mom you know, and I think cherishing those moments I think is something that you're going to talk about. And then also sort of the process of grief, and you know when, unfortunately, you do have to, when people pass away, and I think Nicole and I both have personal experience. I know all four of us do so. Can you tell us a little bit about your story and sort of how you started your company?

Speaker 2:

I'll, I'll start and then, and then I'll pass it to you. So our mom start and then. Um, okay, and then I'll pass it to you. So our mom, um in 2023, february, the 12th of 2023, um, at 11 16 am on a sunday, um unexpectedly passed away. She had been sick for six or seven years.

Speaker 3:

Six years, yeah, probably six years she started in 2016.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and we noticed it. I think we both noticed it anita, at christmas that year, when she was, uh, sweeping the kitchen and we looked at her and she was, if you can see, she was hunched and at that point she was in like her earlier 60s, like closer, and we were like, what are you doing? Why are you holding your shoulders like that mom? Because our mother is very proper, like to the point of we had the what's that I can't remember that lady's name yes, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:

So, oh my gosh. So we had Emily Post. Like she was incredibly just very proper and and so for her to be hunching with a crowd around was just not typical, and little did we know that that was the beginning of a lot of just really never figuring out exactly what she had. The diagnosis was myopathy, which is a degenerative muscle disease. However, if you think about it, you have muscles all through your body, so our heart is a muscle, our throat is a muscle. I mean, obviously we have muscles that help us to move our appendages and things. But over time, when your muscles are degenerating, then that affects everything.

Speaker 2:

So the last couple of years she had heart issues and had a really really hard time swallowing and was really slow, still really sassy. She never lost that at all, nor lost her properness. But so she went in the hospital on February the 11th and honestly we all thought it was just a hiccup, like it was just a bump in the road and she would be coming home probably within 24 or 48 hours. And we like to say that she, she we all believe now, looking back, that our mom 100% knew that it was. It was time for her um to to go to her eternal home. We just didn't know that until she passed away on February the 12th, at 11, 16 and, and so when we went to their house that afternoon after mom had passed away and they'd all let you pick it up from there.

Speaker 3:

So we were all obviously shocked and just kind of grief stricken and there is like a real fog. That happens when grief hits in, I think any way, but definitely in our experience with the unexpectedness of it. And so we were all, just the whole family came back to the house and I told Amy and we started kind of talking and we were because, of course, like you go to the funeral home the next morning, like we'd already found out, we had to be at the funeral home at 10 am and I told Amy, I said there's a funeral file. Like she told us about a funeral file, that she did and um, so we went to the file cabinet, which is a good place to put a file, and um, there it was. It was her funeral file and we opened it up and it had everything in it that we needed to know for her, all her wishes that she wanted for herself as far as, like, she even put the, let me say, least expensive prettiest metal casket, um, and just the songs that she wanted, the people that she wanted to be a part of. She had a?

Speaker 3:

Um, she was a nurse, so she had a cut out of the. Is it the nurse's honor Guard, amy, I think so they kind of do like a final call. It's an organization that does the final call for nurses and it's a beautiful thing. They come to the funeral and do it all volunteer. She had a program because she had told us in the past that she wanted her grandkids to write something about her and her program and so she had saved the program where she had seen that done and it was just a beautiful, beautiful gift in a really incredibly difficult moment.

Speaker 3:

So when we went to the funeral home we took that file and literally were able to make this like. We literally told the funeral director like because you go in this room and there's all these caskets, yeah, and you know, because we love her so much, we would have, I mean, amy, and I would have picked out, because daddy was like you guys just do whatever. He was just he was just he didn't know what to do, and that makes total sense. But so I mean we would have picked out the most expensive casket because we wanted to honor her and we love her. But we were like where's your prettiest, least expensive metal?

Speaker 3:

casket and he like points over to the corner where we probably would have never looked and that's what we got. And so after we went through that and then we went through probate and that file helped us walk through things with probate and it was just the most amazing gift that she gave us. And that's who she was. She was very organized and very thoughtful and it was her last love letter to us.

Speaker 1:

She was very intentional.

Speaker 3:

And so out of that, out of that gift, amy and I were like nobody really knows how incredibly beneficial this type of information is until you walk through it, and we were like we need to give this to other people, like we need to let come up with something that is similar to mama's little funeral file. And that's how we started your last love letter, out of the legacy that mama left us, to help other people be able to, you know, have a bit of peace and order in a really hard time and leave a legacy for their own family and loved ones that is a beautiful gift and send off, and maybe she didn't realize how beautiful it actually is.

Speaker 1:

Maybe she just thought she was being organized, because my mother-in-law we lost her a couple of years ago and she was very detail oriented and she had a lot of things organized already. But, um, excuse me, but even going to the funeral home so there are five in my husband's family and for five people to agree on one casket it was it was a little um, there was no fighting, but it was what do you think? What do you think? What do you think? And then, um, so it was just, some things were more ongoing than they needed to be, but I think, having it takes that out of.

Speaker 3:

You know, we literally were like, well, this is what she wrote, this is what she said, like this is exactly the music, everything we were able as a family to actually do, her service, which was a beautiful thing for all of us to be a part of, it was, it was, it was a precious gift and that time right after someone's passing is so precious, because you just want to connect with your loved ones and revisit stories and memories and look through photo albums and the last thing anyone wants to do is pick out a casket or what flower arrangement or what song.

Speaker 1:

So that is. It is such a beautiful idea that came out of such a great loss and, yeah, I think what you two are doing is is just amazing and I think everybody needs to know about it, midlife or not, whether it's our parents or a friend that is sick or a spouse, you know anybody. Everybody should just have it available, you know, to.

Speaker 3:

It really is a very. It's one of those things that you don't want to think about. But then you're like because what you said earlier, alex, we're kind of in that we have kids and then we have parents and we're kind of in the middle and it's just something that all of us really need it's not even our own children. We're like this is something you need to do because you don't know I mean, we never know when our you know our time is up, and it's just a precious gift.

Speaker 1:

Well, there's no, how-to.

Speaker 1:

So you're making the how-to and it sounds so practical but actually at that time to have something like you had so practical. I mean, I know Nicole and I both had a loss my dad died suddenly so I did not have a file but there are things that you need to do when someone passes that you don't, you don't even know Right, and I think just having you know, having something so that you can everyone grieves differently is what I've found too, and I know with my siblings and I it was my mom. Some people were like I'm out. Some people were jumping in, trying to do everything because that made them feel better. Some people are going through pictures and to have those roles of people in the family that everyone does care and love this person and eliminate the stress of what flowers would make this person happy or what song. And so did your mom know that she was going to pass away? I know you mentioned that at the beginning, but so did you guys know that she was going to pass away, or how did that happen?

Speaker 3:

She it'd been funny Cause. So our mom and dad, they've been married. It'll be 56 years in June, so it was 54 years before, and she had been telling daddy, like you need to start learning how to do your own laundry and learning how to cook. And we she'd even y'all this in it. Like it. It bit Amy and I to the core because she like removed herself from our family text group and we just thought she was being cranky oh, you know but I feel like in hindsight we can see very real things that she did.

Speaker 3:

That I really feel like she was like okay, I know, my time is coming there she had stopped doing her laundry.

Speaker 3:

She hadn't done her own laundry for I don't know how long, but it was it was several days like a while, yeah, she knew something was coming I think it's one of those weird like, and maybe guy was just like all right, jane, this is like you're gonna to be healed Because she was so ready to go home.

Speaker 3:

I mean, you think about it when you can't swallow, you can't eat. She was not enjoying eating, she was not enjoying the things that brought her joy. She still loved her family, but everything was so hard for her but she had just and we think she probably was a lot sicker than she, let us know, until that Saturday when my dad called and was like hey, my husband's a nurse, and so he was like I feel like you guys should come down. And then we Amy and us came down and realized you know, she needs to go to the hospital. But in hindsight, like Amy's oldest son had a grandson the next month and she wrote him a letter and just letting Gabe and Ellie know how much she loved them, and it was just from her, it wasn't from our dad and our mom. It was just her.

Speaker 1:

I truly believe people have more. I don't know if the word is power, but control near the end. And then we, then we realized I just I have a lot of family and healthcare and they, they just there's this pattern to it. I mean obviously not everyone you know, but I think when you're sick, I think, and that that moment where you let go because my mother-in-law, she was at home in hospice and she was surrounded there were probably 25 family members there and the minute she was alone is when she let go, like everybody was by her side, like nobody, but it was like just a moment in time where somebody had to answer the door and somebody stepped away to grab something and she just let go. And I think you know that was intentional on her part, just knowing her personality and and things like that. And then I've heard a lot of stories where people in the hospital they it's like, it's almost like they choose.

Speaker 2:

She was she was so round, it was a very. I wouldn't change the way that everyone was there because we were all able, even Anita's son, who had moved there, they were.

Speaker 2:

They were visiting where they were going in Connecticut and so he wasn't physically in the room with mom, but he was. We were able to call him and she got to talk to her and we've talked about that. Even Anita and I've talked about how we feel. Like that. She felt the peace, like you said, to be able to let go and to know that we were all going to be OK. We were going to miss her, obviously, but we were going to be OK and we were going to take care of our dad which since then we have been like oh mom, we should have listened.

Speaker 2:

We're so sorry, because yes, he's, he's quite an interesting, uh, an interesting guy at times that's a whole nother kid. It's not a kid.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you learn things about the other person when my my I'm very close with my mom, but there were certain things because they've always been with that person, so the way they like grow and change in a different way, or you realize things about them that it's like you can't describe it unless you've been through it. It's like it still boggles my mind.

Speaker 2:

I'm like I didn't know that about you, mom, or I didn't know, you know it's like it's really.

Speaker 1:

That is that's. I think there's benefits and challenges to it.

Speaker 2:

I'll just say yes, that's a good way to say it, and that's another.

Speaker 3:

That's another, like kind of arm that we've made with your last love letter is caring for aging parents, because we've learned so much in the last 14 months, because we want to do everything we can to honor and respect Daddy, but at the same time he does have Parkinson's, and so we're learning along with him, um, and every day is something new. So it's just it's, it's a part of something that we're sharing as well, because it's you know, people are going to go through it, whether now or later yes, so with your last love letter, do you work with people one-on-one?

Speaker 1:

are you offering consultations? Is it um like a guide right now?

Speaker 3:

so right now it's a um guide that you can purchase like a digital download, so you can purchase it and print it off, or you can um, you know, do it digitally if you want to just fill in the blank with, like, pulling it into notes or something with Apple. But it's we're talking and it's one of the things that we've been asked again and I should let you talk about this, amy, because I feel like I'm commandeering the conversation, but you can. The question that most people ask us about your last love letter.

Speaker 2:

So the question that we've been asked is is it a will? And the answer is no, it is not a will. We are not attorneys, we are not legal, we don't know anything about law. It is an accompaniment to a will or it is in addition to a will. It does not replace a will, nor is it a will. I think there are some of the same questions that maybe a couple that you may find as far as listing property.

Speaker 3:

It can stand alone.

Speaker 2:

But it can also stand alone, yeah, so definitely not a will it's not legally binding, it's just somebody's wish it's not legally binding.

Speaker 1:

I wish to have you know, I don't know, mums, I can't even think of a flower.

Speaker 2:

Yes, exactly Call Watts.

Speaker 1:

Mums, jerry, write that down, we're going to give you guys one, so there will Exactly.

Speaker 2:

Nicole Watts. Mums, jerry, write that down. We're going to give you guys one, so there will be a place for you to get that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so they're guiding questions for what they would like after they die is what you're saying. Yes, what I also love, what you guys do and I got your freebie from your website guys do, and I got your freebie from your website are it's not only planning for your funeral, you know per se, but I love that you are embracing your loved ones, you know, and encouraging people to talk to them. So they have a freebie. That's five questions to ask, and one of them is you know what are your childhood memories? Can you share a family favorite story from the past? And I do something similar, similarly to this on my Instagram. I call it table talk, because I'm all about family dinners and really encouraging people at the table. So I was like I'm going to use some of these questions. It's storytelling your loved one's story, right, and you can do it now, it doesn't mean people have to be sick, right?

Speaker 1:

It's just thinking about it, I know there's lots of apps out there. There's like you can record a book or you know whatever you can do to get to write it down. You know to record and to learn about your family member even more, because these are everyday conversations about their past that you necessarily know, right?

Speaker 3:

Yes, so how did?

Speaker 2:

you come up with this.

Speaker 1:

Did your mom leave you an actual note or was this like an accompaniment that you came up with?

Speaker 3:

I think this came out of the we didn't have mama anymore, and those were questions that we were like do you remember such and such? Or did you think about like do you know this or something? And we were like this is something that is important, that people, again, until you have a really a loss you don't think about oh, I should ask my parents how they found out my last or how they figured out my name or you know things like that. That are beautiful stories, but it's and it's just taking the time to do it as well.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, Right, and it could be fun with grandkids I was talking to when I printed this out. I was talking to my 11 year old and saying, oh, we should do this with my mom and I just think it's you just, you just learn more. I know my family was big into like family trees A lot of people don't do that anymore but this is it's like your legacy, right, it's like what you want to be remembered for. And now we're in a day and age where we can take videos or do the voice notes or you know, when my dad passed away 11 years ago, videos wasn't a real big thing. Then you know people, we had a camcorder, I think, and I don't have a lot of videos of my dad, and that makes me really, really sad because my kids were young when he passed away. So I think, asking the questions and doing, you know doing that I also think our parents would really like it, right, they like to, you know, talk about themselves it jogs their memory, because we did that just recently.

Speaker 3:

We were, we did it with our dad because he had cataract surgery, and so we just started reading the questions that we had and he was like, oh everything you know, and got all excited and and we learned things that we had never heard before.

Speaker 2:

And then, yeah, incredibly precious stuff that we're like, oh my gosh, that's just so sweet, yeah, so yeah, like you said, having it, having it on video, um, is so much better than just pictures or even writing it down, because it's really something that I think they're more apt to do because of the interactiveness of it. Because we have tried a couple of other things where we would send them questions weekly and stuff like that, and one of the things that our dad had had a difficult time with was just using the keyboard, because he has Parkinson's, and so he just got to the point where he wasn't able to use a keyboard the way that he used to. He also wasn't able to read as well, and so, although we were sending things, trying to find that out, when Anita actually was able to sit down with him and just ask him those questions it was it was so much better to me than than a book not diminishing the beautifulness of the work that other companies are doing to gather those memories too.

Speaker 2:

But I don't know. It's like you said, there's just something about video.

Speaker 1:

Right To do it in a way that works for your family, right? Maybe you're not close or you know I have this one book of my dad's voice that I it's what you made it for the little grandkids. You know those types of things and I'm like no one's allowed to touch it or it's like I have a very special spot in my house, but I think this work you're doing is incredible, and this isn't something that we want to talk about, you know and this isn't also something you know.

Speaker 1:

Unfortunately, we deal I have friends with cancer and friends you know there are there.

Speaker 1:

There are other people besides aging parents that this, this, could be a really good tool for, unfortunately, but a way to honor that person in the way that they want to be honored, I think is really, really special and would have been, I know, helpful. So much for me when my dad passed away, because you're just clueless and you're just in a fog. So thank you for doing this hard work, for being vulnerable with your story of your mom. I mean 12 months that's not a long time ago that she passed away, so, or 14 months, I'm sorry, but you are definitely making an impact. So we, nicole and I, love the work that you do, so thank you for doing that, thank you.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much.

Speaker 3:

Thank y'all for having us.

Speaker 2:

Where can people find you? Glad to be here.

Speaker 3:

We are. It's easy to find us. Everything is your last love letter, so that's where we are on Instagram and Facebook, and then also our website is just yourlastlovelettercom. Okay.

Speaker 1:

That's easy. Yeah, that is easy. Okay, we will put all that in the show notes and then a link to your guide, so if anyone's listening, you can just go to the show notes and download it right away. Thank you.

Speaker 2:

Yes, thank you. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1:

So, nicole, what time is it? It's my favorite time. It is unsolicited advice time. This is the part where we give our unsolicited advice. It could be related to this topic, or it could be anything midlife, woman life, whatever you want, just unsolicited advice, because no one has time for it, because we're older and we can Just give our advice right now. That's right, because we are older and we can.

Speaker 2:

Yes, Well, I will say I will share another little nugget that I learned in 2017. So I don't even know how many years ago that was seven, but it is this. I am a small business owner. I actually own a boutique marketing company here in the area. I am a small business owner, actually on a boutique marketing company here in the area, and I went through a program and just it was like a local entrepreneurship program and what I learned from that program was this that failure is inevitable, but it is not defining and we get to choose. So it's going to happen, but we get to decide how I love it. It's going to happen, but we get to decide how we let it affect us.

Speaker 1:

Amy, you've got all the good nuggets.

Speaker 3:

She's the oldest.

Speaker 2:

I'm the oldest, the oldest and the wisest.

Speaker 3:

I don't know about that, but I'll take the oldest for sure.

Speaker 2:

I don't know about that, but I'll take the oldest for sure.

Speaker 1:

It's going to be my new tagline too. I think often you learn we learn more at this age from like our failures than our successes, right Like?

Speaker 1:

when we're challenged, when we get outside of our box, because when I was younger I didn't go outside my box that much. Now I am more willing to it. Right, because it's more of that risk of either way, right, but you're going to learn from both things that you do. I try to. I try to talk to my kids about that, but they're too young. That's so true though that is so true yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, all right, is it my turn?

Speaker 3:

I had two things pop up. So the first one I will say relates to your last love letter, one of the things that I did right away. And I would say, alex, you know you these voicemails and I just for some reason, didn't delete them. And when Mama passed away, I like sent all these voicemails to a note that I have Mama, and then I also sent them to my Google Drive just so that I always have her voice available, and I actually have.

Speaker 3:

I had just had a procedure like a surgical procedure, just a few days before she passed away, and she had sent me a voicemail that and I just didn't answer it and I just think that was God giving me this voicemail. But it's like I just wanted to call and check on you. I love you so much, have a great night Sleep and so like. There are many nights where I would just be like play and it's mama and it's precious and yeah. So I would definitely encourage people to save those voicemails, even the ones that might be like amy has one that mom and daddy are arguing it's so funny, it's so funny, beautiful now, um. So save your voicemails, because you do you miss. I never want to forget my mama's voice. I never want to forget my dad's voice and, um, we still have daddy, obviously, but I, I still save his too, because it's just, it's their treasures.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, those are special. I have voicemails of my kids when they were really little too, and now you're reminding me, and my grandmother too, when she was she, you know she would call me on the phone and when she had a cell phone. So you're reminding me to sort of say I don't, I didn't know you could download those.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, you can download. Okay, I love tech too. Yeah, I, prior to this, I had like my own tech um instagram thing, but I will, I'll show you how you can do it okay.

Speaker 1:

Okay, it's a super simple way because I love, I love that I actually never answer my phone a lot, so I have a lot of voice. I'll take one from Nicole. You can practice on my voice, I'll, practice, I'll tell my mom to leave a message actually. So yeah, I love that. Nicole, do you have any advice? I really don't, I don't.

Speaker 1:

I've been trying to think of something amazing to say, but maybe I'll give some advice to myself and if it resonates with you out there, I have actually bought those little books myself. Like, um, uh, there's like little itty bitty books and it's like 10 pages, like, mom, what's your favorite color? So I have bought those for myself, to fill out for my kids and I just need to sit down and fill them out in addition to your last love letter. But, um, it's just something like on my to-do list. I'm like, oh, I need to do it, I need to do it. So I guess, if you have something, start, just start, just use it, just use it.

Speaker 3:

I like that I will. Yeah, we were at mom and daddy's, with daddy's surgery in the call, and we found our grandmothers from 1996, one of those that she had filled out for us we didn't even know existed. So sweet and it was incredible, so definitely fill those out, okay.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, alex oh, um, mine would just be, I think, just have those table talks, have those. I love these questions that you ask. I think. Use just the opportunity to ask a question, because I think we're always in the hustle and bustle of you know, even like you're saying, nicole, I love the idea of just us answering them with our kids, right, um, using that time that you can have together, whether it's five minutes or an hour, and just appreciating that time together, because you just really never know when it's you're not going to have it. Yeah, yeah, right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, that's so good, all right.

Speaker 1:

Well, thank you, ladies, so much.

Speaker 2:

Thank y'all, it was fun.

Speaker 1:

And that's a wrap for today's episode of Don't Call Me Midlife. We hope you had as much fun as we did. Absolutely. Your support means the world to us. If you're just waiting in the carpool line, don't forget to follow the show, and if you're feeling extra spicy today, leave us a rating and review Before we part ways. We've got a special invitation for you. Join our newsletter to stay in the loop with all things midlife, magic, bonus content and more. Head on over to the show notes for how to sign up. We can't wait to keep the conversation going. And, of course, remember, in the whirlwind of life and motherhood, don't forget to fill up your own cup first. You're extraordinary and your journey is worth every moment. Until next time, cheers.