Don't Call Me Midlife
Join Alix and Nicole, the coffee-addicted, wine-loving, Amazon-obsessed mom squad, as they take you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey through the ups and downs of mid-life. With six boys and a knack for keeping it real, these two friends bring you more than just mom tales – they're on a mission to help you reclaim your identity beyond motherhood.
Discover the joy of embracing mid-life with these relatable hosts who are keen to learn, grow, and laugh along with their listeners. From navigating Pinterest-worthy fashion to mastering the art of leggings, from meal planning to avoiding life's chaos, they've got you covered.
But here's the kicker – they don't have all the answers, and they're proud of it. Alix and Nicole are in the trenches right alongside you, sharing their genuine experiences and bringing you along as they learn and laugh their way through life's twists and turns.
So grab your favorite drink, whether it's a trusty Stanley, an oat milk latte from Starbucks, or a glass of Whispering Angel, and prepare to be entertained, inspired, and empowered. Don't Call Me Mid-Life is the podcast where the fun begins, and mid-life gets a whole lot cooler.
Subscribe now and join the mid-life squad on this incredible adventure. Life is an adventure worth sharing, especially in mid-life!
Don't Call Me Midlife
Keeping the Spark Alive in Marriage
In this episode of "Don't Call Me Midlife," Alix and Nicole share their insights on maintaining intimacy and connection in marriage. From finding time for your spouse amidst busy schedules to embracing spontaneity and understanding each other's love languages, they offer practical advice sprinkled with humor and relatable anecdotes. With laughter and camaraderie, they encourage you to prioritize your relationships, indulge in fun experiences, and keep the spark alive in midlife romance.
In this episode, they talk about the following:
1. Prioritizing communication and understanding
2. Find ways to keep the spark alive.
3. Adapt to changing circumstances.
Mentioned in the episode:
Date Night in Box https://datenightinbox.com/
Join the Midlife Squad:
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www.itstradish.myflodesk.com/dontcallmemidlife
Hang Out on Social:
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Help us expand our mom-tourage! Share our podcast with your fellow mom friends and let's conquer midlife together.
Welcome to the. Don't Call Me Midlife podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm Nicole and I'm Alex. We're your coffee-addicted, wine-loving, Amazon-obsessed mom squad. Think of us as your new besties, but with a podcast.
Speaker 1:And, just like you, we're navigating the Google-defined chaos of midlife while wrangling a pack of boys.
Speaker 2:But here's the twist we're more than just moms and wives. We're on a mission to reclaim our identities beyond motherhood, and we're bringing you along for the wild ride.
Speaker 1:Now we don't pretend to have all the answers to life's mysteries, but we're so good at learning and laughing our way through them.
Speaker 2:So, whether you're sipping from your trusty Stanley, indulging in an oat milk latte from Starbucks or raising a glass of Whispering Angel, get ready to hang with us Together. We'll keep it real.
Speaker 1:Have some laughs and remind you that this crazy journey called life is one adventure worth sharing hey, alex, hi, nicole, how are you?
Speaker 2:I'm good. I'm good, I'm back from vacation and it is uh. I liked being in warmer weather. It's not. You know, we don't have snow in the ground in boston, but it is. It is colder.
Speaker 1:Well, I can't say that.
Speaker 2:I know, you know that.
Speaker 1:I can't. We do have snow on the ground here, but it is warm. So interesting, yeah, still have some snow after that three-foot storm we had.
Speaker 2:I know I felt bad for you when I did see that what is in your cup today?
Speaker 1:I got a little fast in my cup.
Speaker 2:Um, that is so good. Are you referring to what we're going to talk about?
Speaker 1:today, yes, yes, oh my gosh, yes, so um tell me, tell you're excited. Tell me what's it. I have a good story Um what, what's in your cup? And I have a good story what's in your cup? And then we'll just jump in.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty boring today. I've got my Big Stanley, but I have water and I have watermelon element, tea Electrolytes. For those ladies that don't know what that is. I know I know Nicole and I had a whole discussion about electrolytes yesterday and she doesn't like element tea. It does taste like salt. I love it. Nicole doesn't.
Speaker 1:Well, I can't say I don't like Elementi. I just didn't like maybe that flavor, maybe I just need to expand my. I'm willing to try. I'm willing to try. So, elementi, don't get upset if you hear this. It's just the watermelon wasn't my favorite.
Speaker 2:Okay, so we'll keep trying. I'll keep sending you different flavors, okay, um, I do think you would like the chocolate element tea in your coffee.
Speaker 1:Have you tried that? That is really good.
Speaker 2:No, maybe send me one. Okay, I do have one, I do have one I know people put in their smoothies too. So that could be good, little little little salty sweet, uh, so that could be good, a little salty sweet. So today we are going to talk about how are we going to say it, like dating and your marriage, like how to find time for your spouse in midlife, right, yeah, if you're still married, if you're still married.
Speaker 2:How to stay married in midlife maybe is what should really be the topic, and we're going to reveal some of our secrets because when Nicole and I met, we learned that our husbands admitted that they don't always listen to the podcast.
Speaker 2:So maybe, if they see, maybe we'll give it a fun title. So they don't even know it's about them. So we're going to share some of our tips and secrets and things that we do about them. So we're going to we're going to share some some of our tips and secrets and things that we do, so so my sister-in-law's listening.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you want to continue listening, chris, it's not. I'm not going to be giving details, but it is your brother.
Speaker 2:Okay, our coworkers, we're not going to get, we're not we're not going to get that juicy, but we would like to. I'm sure our husbands would would like us to, but you know the so. So what tell me, nicole? What prompted this idea of this episode? Actually, what inspired us something recently in social media that literally had me peeing in my pants, laughing?
Speaker 1:Okay so the micro short trend. Okay so, free people, the micro short trend. Okay, so free people. I mean it's like I even I can't even say it.
Speaker 2:I mean I probably got that free people post. I mean 10 times people were just forwarding it back to forth in Instagram, in Facebook. I mean everyone, our age was like WTF yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, is this a joke? Right, I thought it was a joke at first. Actually, the comment section made it a joke. But no, they're real. So they're teeny, tiny shorts. They look like jean panties basically, with um, with an extra button flap. So it's like, uh, it's just barely, barely covering. I mean, I don't, I think I don't know. It just made me think this is maybe something that I would wear in private for my husband, and then, and then you sent me those.
Speaker 2:That's how this, that's the inspiration behind this. Yes, in private, I don't even know, I don't even wear shorts, but okay, and then I sent you the anthropology bloomers. Did they call them bloomers actually?
Speaker 1:I don't even know what they call them, but they did. They look like a jean, like pull up bloomer that you would put over your like a diaper, like do you know those cloth diapers that kids used to wear, and then they would put the thing over it. It looks like that, but then it just that's, that's what it was.
Speaker 2:I used to get those for my kids monogrammed, but this is like oh my god, I mean I had a, I had a friend be like I don't need that much elastic around my thigh.
Speaker 1:I agree, no, no, no, I don't. Yeah, just it screams like hot and uncomfortable and unflattering. I mean, the micro shorts are probably really cute on, like a teeny, tiny little little thing that hasn't even hit adulthood yet. But is it midlife woman? No, like I said, I would just think I would wear them just for cheerio and private.
Speaker 1:I mean, I don't know about you, but let me ask you this, okay, so the other day Jerry was on a work call and it was like a serious call and I was just feeling, you know spicy, and I was literally like doing a little dance like for him and I like went topless and he's just like staring at me while he's trying to have a serious conversation. And then, and then I was like, okay, this is taking too long. So I left and then I came back and I was like tired because you know, like cleaning up the kitchen and all that the the moment had passed and um, so he was like in in bed and then I started doing my nighttime routine, like I one of my nighttime routines was putting lotion on my feet, okay, and so I grabbed my big socks, you know, and my thick lotion.
Speaker 2:I thought we we said that socks were not allowed in bed. Well, wait, it gets better.
Speaker 1:So I'm putting lotion on my feet and he's like, are you gonna dance again? And then I, and then he picks up the socks that were like still rolled up on the bed and he's like these aren't sexy. I just totally thought of our conversation and I was like I need a minute to not be sexy. And he's like, okay, like it was like the moment had passed. So that was story led me to, I feel, like this topic because I don't know like sometimes the moments are just so fleeting or like such a short window, and you know, I think it's really important to flirt with your husband throughout the day, um, but you know, sometimes all that anticipation, you know, gets someone looking forward to something and then you're just like, well, damn, you know it's after 930.
Speaker 2:I don't think you can do that, nicole. You can't do that to guys, I don't know. Sometimes in the morning it's like I'll feel like, oh, I'm going to write like a sexy-ish text, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then by like nine o'clock. You know it's like the guys are thinking about it all day and I'm like, oh, what text are you even talking about?
Speaker 1:Yeah. I'm tired, I gotta go to sleep, I'm tired.
Speaker 2:I'm in midlife I mean I already took my magnesium.
Speaker 2:I gotta go to sleep. Yeah, I'm good, I'm good, I'm putting that lotion on my feet. I do think it is hard, you know, to sort of date your husband, to find that time. It's more challenging when our kids are going to bed later than us, Right? I mean even trying to go on a date night. And then I sort of told Alex I was like I started feeling guilty almost because our kids are old enough to go out with us they're not little babies that oh, I should be spending time with them because the kid's time is fleeting. You know, I sort of I feel like a little bit of mom guilt around that when I know that's not really justified, Right.
Speaker 1:I know I think when they were little you literally spent every second of their waking hours with them and so you were ready to run out the door for date night and it was okay for somebody else to give them a bath and put them to bed and then you could just relax and be with your husband. But now I don't really spend a whole lot of time with my kids. They're with their friends, they're out doing things or like they're in the room, they don't. They're showering.
Speaker 2:They don't want to be with us.
Speaker 1:They don't want to be with us. Yeah, so yeah, I get that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we did learn from Baker last week that they like us to plan things for them, though. Right, oh yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, of course so.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I think, as challenging at it as it is, with anything that we're doing. You know our kids are watching us and I think it is important to make that a priority. Maybe it's not, you know, I don't know how people manage like every week date nights, right. That's like I don't really love to go out during the week because I am tired, but I think making it a priority for you and your spouse to have some time together and go out and do something is important.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I mean, even if you try to make time at home, I do feel like that gets interrupted a lot. You know, like you're trying to have a conversation with somebody, or even if you like go into your room just to have like watch your show together, they're like constantly interrupting.
Speaker 2:So it's just Maybe we need locks on doors. In midlife actually, I was thinking that the other day you don't have a lock on your door. No, I have no locks on any of my doors, not even like a bathroom. I'm like scared to get locked in. Maybe I need to put one.
Speaker 1:I need, I need to put one Um so one thing that I like.
Speaker 2:I, I, yeah, so it would be important. I'm sure everyone appreciate that. Um, I just got in the mail and I can't remember where I got it from. Put a scarf, oh, like a little, a little sign. Oh, yeah, then people would go to school, does your mom?
Speaker 1:and dad have a scarf on the handle.
Speaker 2:Like what does that mean? It's sort of like when, when my kids were little, they were telling their teachers like oh, my mom's favorite drink is a margarita, and they were like five or six and I'm like, oh God, that's embarrassing. I'm sure the teachers know much more about us than we need them to know. But I did get in the mail and I'm excited to do it. I haven't even opened it yet. It's a date night box because Alex agreed to this. Now, if your spouse agrees to things like this, we've done it pre COVID, we did during COVID, and there's just different things. You could paint with your spouse which you would like cause you like painting. You could cook with your spouse, there's a question game, it's sort of all those types of things. Now I'm not going to Alex like I'm not doing that like every week, but maybe like once every other month would be good.
Speaker 1:There you go, and then you could like space it out how many things come in a box.
Speaker 2:I haven't opened it. It's only one activity. It's like one date one date night in a box.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's cute.
Speaker 2:I'll have to link what, what, I, what, I, what, where I got that, because I'm actually excited about that and that's like no fuss, no muss, it's like already, like everything's done for you, you don't have to do anything.
Speaker 1:I like that, the not thinking part, and it's at home activity.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, we'll link it. We'll link it. I think it's a good idea. I think it's just it's doing something. It's always a little bit out of what you normally do, like we can always have dinner and if you're going to have cocktails at home, right? But, this is just doing something. You can watch a movie. This is just something like a little bit different. So I like that. I love that. I think that's fun.
Speaker 1:I am much more of a daytime person, so I just know that when Jerry works, like our that week is just there's just not going to be any date nights, there's not going to be even really much conversation past, like when he gets home, like I mean, you know he, he gets up at like 4am and then he gets home at like sometimes seven, 30, and that's stressful. So when he comes home we'll talk, but there's no dates during that time. So when he is off, we I like to, you know, have like an afternoon date, and then the kids are at school and you don't need a lock on your door, you know.
Speaker 2:But that because there's no kids home. I love that you guys do Um, you guys do ice skating. I do know that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we do, which is?
Speaker 2:nice Doing, doing something a little bit different, like that, right, and you're lucky if you have someone that you know Alex and I are trying to do that If he works from home on Fridays, like have lunch together because he doesn't have like a whole day off, but um, doing something while he's home, cause more, more people work from home.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, a little afternoon delight on a Friday afternoon.
Speaker 2:Yes, wouldn't that be nice, nicole. You're welcome, alex. One thing that we did last week was we had a staycation. Now, this takes advanced planning, but I knew we are coming into a busy season with the spring, with the spring sports. He's actually going to be traveling for three weeks, which is sort of crazy. So we did a staycation in Boston, which was fun. We had a gift card for a hotel and had dinner, went to the museum and then went, did a little spa, and I think to get away for that during the week is easier. For 24 hours it's sort of fun too that's so nice.
Speaker 1:Who stayed with the kids?
Speaker 2:we have a babysitter, a young, a young babysitter. That's really sweet, and so I had to book her two months in advance. But the boys had fun with her because they took her out and did they took. She took them out and did something fun with them so they didn't feel, you know again like like I wasn't there, but they were okay. They were okay and they had fun and they were listening to it too.
Speaker 1:That's so fun. I love a staycation. I like to do a weekend vacation.
Speaker 2:I would like a whole week, but you know.
Speaker 1:I know, but even one night just reconnecting and um being alone. I think just being alone is key you know being in a hotel is key.
Speaker 1:Yes, away from everything and everyone. It's not just, it's not just being alone, um, but yeah, I, I love that you guys got away, we're gonna. We try to do it every every couple months, for sure, um, but we, you know, we are on this health journey and we're eating healthier and eating at home more. So we have to try to find activities that don't involve going out to eat a lot, because you know that feeling like when you start eating healthy and you're almost like addicted to feeling good, like that's where we're at. So we went out to eat, do more ice skating, yes, um, what we do. We went out to eat, like around his birthday and, um, he's like, oh, I just don't feel good. You know it's, it's an experience and it's fun, and you know we love food, but we just don't want to do that every time we go to eat. So I think sometimes coming up with ideas is the hard part.
Speaker 2:Have you read the book? Is it the five languages of love, or is that what it's called?
Speaker 1:The five love languages. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's such a good book because it just helps you when maybe you can't have a date night or you can't do something together. How to show your spouse, like, how to tell them and show them that you love them, without actually like making it this big extravagant thing, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, like little things all the time, maybe not all the time, cause it wouldn't feel special, but like every now and then. I mean you just have to like I feel like you have to date your husband, like you have to keep that in that spark going. That's I mean, that's how I personally feel. I mean I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't find it.
Speaker 1:I don't find it hard to do that, like I'm still very much like attracted to him and I like spending time with him. Excuse me, so that's, that's not an issue for me and I definitely, I definitely feel that from him. So it's just, it's just finding the time and so carving that, carving it out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just a little bit different, cause we're also, I think, at this stage in life, sort of growing and changing ourselves, right, as mom and dad, as man and woman, and I always think about, uh, what are we going to do, like, for dates or whatever, for fun, when, like, our kids are out of the house Right, because that's more imminent than not in thinking, well, what you know, what hobbies do you have? What are we going to do together, like, alex and I constantly try to find a show to watch and we just don't agree on shows.
Speaker 1:So no, what does he like?
Speaker 2:He looks more like it's like uh like fighting shows, you know, or like you know, violent shows, and I'm like I'm sitting here watching like uh like all reality shows. So that's not his jam.
Speaker 1:Right, well, you wouldn't want a reality violent show?
Speaker 2:So that wouldn't be a good idea. But I think at this at this point in life it's it's doing those little things that make the difference right, whether it's emptying the dishwasher, filling his car with gas Um, you know, alex loves that I cook for him and give him all his food.
Speaker 1:Jerry too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay. So, nicole, tell me, you know, when you go on vacation right With your family, do you? Do you guys prioritize like time alone, or is it just family all the time, you know? Cause I feel like sometimes vacations, when you're in a different environment, um, getting sort of that, that time together to do a fun activity or just take a dinner away, cause our kids are older, where we we try to have at least a dinner or, you know, sort of a happy hour out when our kids are just going to be home by themselves, even if it's on vacation, and they don't they seem to don't, they don't mind it.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's the one great thing about having like your kids older. So since we moved to Colorado we've really only vacations here, mostly because the pandemic, and you know our oldest can watch our youngest now. So sometimes we'll like um they'll they won't always want to ski. We'll like um they'll, they won't always want to ski. So if we're doing like ski in, ski out, they can just go back to the room and relax and do whatever and then he and I can have some alone time or even like after like the apres ski, like um, we'll get something to eat and then the older two will go off and ski and then the younger one will kind of just I don't know, like there's always like some sort of like activity that like he can join in. It's like close by, like you know, there's like a fire pit with marshmallows or like something to play on, or just a hill or snowballs.
Speaker 1:So, um, we just try to sneak it in, um. But yeah, and I think that if we were to go somewhere, like on a warm weather vacation, for sure, like we would just try to like even if it's like a half hour hour, just just not to lose your mind, because it's a lot of family time. You know I love my family, but a lot of time with anybody. You know that's much. You know, but like when the kids were different than when the kids were younger.
Speaker 2:What do you mean?
Speaker 1:Um, I don't know, like when we went on vacation when the kids were younger, like with nap time, like that was, you know that was our time to like, I don't know, go on a balcony and like have a drink, or you know they would be in the pack and play in the other room and we would just, you know, go do adult things. You know, just try to like connect somehow adult things. You know, um, play chess, so yeah, um, but yeah, it's, it's nice to see that they get older. It's like I don't know. You just have to like find the time. Like I feel like we find the time. It just looks completely different as the different stages and seasons that the kids are in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's like taking advantage of, like that daily stuff or those little pockets of time that you have. It may not be this extravagant.
Speaker 1:you know two hours or three day vacation, but I think it's taking advantage of the time that we you have.
Speaker 2:It may not be this extravagant, you know, two hours or three day vacation, but I think it's taking advantage of the time that we do have. Alex and I talk a lot about that, um, and we also try to have conversations that don't involve our children, which I know sounds silly, but I mean not with our children. I mean about our children, right, about taking the time to really what is going on with him, what is going on with me?
Speaker 2:And you know what do you need for that week, to go over your schedule too. I know that sounds a little silly and basic, but it's like I listen to people and they're like I ask myself what?
Speaker 1:what do you need from me? You know, and it's not just I need you to pick up the kids and take them to soccer, Like it's, you know, I need you to, I don't know.
Speaker 2:It could be a lot of times, be like, be like, it's almost like be patient, or you know. I mean that's just an example, because a lot of times Alex has really early meetings and he gives me a heads up because he has to wake up before 6am and you know I'm going to hear him and he walks the dogs. But I think, just even knowing in advance, you know, okay, I have a, I need you know X, y, z, it's just good to communicate. I think at our age, um, communication gets more and more important, right Cause we get so caught up in the schedule of this and that. And actually, I think for men I'm going to say it, I think for men, it's going to say it I think for men it's harder to for them to say what they need.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, Alex is, like always, so sweet and he's like, oh, I don't need anything, and I'm like, I'm like pushing him on it, like no, what actually do you need? What would make your life easier this week, right?
Speaker 1:And vice versa. I mean, I do ask he, I do tell him.
Speaker 2:You tell before they ask yeah, I think you know and, like you said, like dating just, or you know, dating your spouse just looks different at different seasons and different times. And just be okay with it, right? We are in the super busy season and that's why I just appreciate the time that you do have with them. Don't take it for, don't take, uh, don't take it for granted. You know?
Speaker 1:No, not at all. I mean, it is easy to just think that you can ride the wave and your relationship is just going to fly, but it, like anything else, it takes work and it's you know, it's not hard work. It just has to be intentional. And I think with most things that you know you want good in your life, it just has to be intentional Friendships, relationships.
Speaker 2:Right, you know eating. It does and have that adult time. I think that is really important now and I hear a lot of my friends joke and I see you know joking that at this point in our lives it's so hard to have that special adult time. But I do think that is important of a good relationship, right, and I think to make the time for that is great. I mean, we know, you know I think it's important. So, nicole, what time is it?
Speaker 1:It's my favorite time. It is unsolicited advice time. So my unsolicited advice is to be a little flirty and maybe do a dance.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, Alex would die if I did that. He would die. I can't believe, Jerry, like didn't get off the phone call immediately. Maybe the next time. Shock your husband. Shock your husband, Do do something. Do something. You know what I mean. That's also something good, Like, do something a little bit different. Right With whatever you're doing in your life, right. Like, if you're not someone that does that, put yourself out there. We've all been married long enough, you know.
Speaker 1:Um make it like the kids are in the room, just flash it, yeah, and I mean just just know that it's going to come with maybe something a little later Some sort of commitment later. I have fun with it. I have fun with it later.
Speaker 2:I had fun with it. I had fun with it. What's yours, what's yours? I think I really liked that book the five languages of love or languages of love or whatever it is and I think it. I think appreciating those small moments and knowing what your spouse's love languages and really digging deep into that. Um, you know, I gave Alex that book for Christmas and a workbook. We haven't done the workbook. Alex is like I don't know what to do with this, but, um, I think, just just knowing, you know, knowing just how they feel appreciated and both sides of it, right, telling your spouse how you feel appreciated, how you feel loved. So I think that's important and you know what, ladies, just have fun. It doesn't have to be that serious. Like, honestly, it's your spouse and we've all been married, so it's just have fun.
Speaker 1:We've been married long enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, have fun with it. You deserve it, he deserves it, everyone deserves it.
Speaker 1:So get those micro shorts for him, ladies.
Speaker 2:That would be not so sexy to me. Maybe for some people they're sexy. And that's a wrap for today's episode of Don't Call Me Midlife. We hope you had as much fun as we did. Absolutely, your support means the world to us. If you're just waiting in the carpool line, don't forget to follow the show, and if you're feeling extra spicy today, leave us a rating and review Before we part ways. We've got a special invitation for you Join our newsletter to stay in the loop with all things midlife magic, bonus content and more. Head on over to the show notes for how to sign up. We can't wait to keep the conversation going. And, of course, remember, in the whirlwind of life and motherhood, don't forget to fill up your own cup first. You're extraordinary and your journey is worth every moment. Until next time, cheers.