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Don't Call Me Midlife
Join Alix and Nicole, the coffee-addicted, wine-loving, Amazon-obsessed mom squad, as they take you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey through the ups and downs of mid-life. With six boys and a knack for keeping it real, these two friends bring you more than just mom tales – they're on a mission to help you reclaim your identity beyond motherhood.
Discover the joy of embracing mid-life with these relatable hosts who are keen to learn, grow, and laugh along with their listeners. From navigating Pinterest-worthy fashion to mastering the art of leggings, from meal planning to avoiding life's chaos, they've got you covered.
But here's the kicker – they don't have all the answers, and they're proud of it. Alix and Nicole are in the trenches right alongside you, sharing their genuine experiences and bringing you along as they learn and laugh their way through life's twists and turns.
So grab your favorite drink, whether it's a trusty Stanley, an oat milk latte from Starbucks, or a glass of Whispering Angel, and prepare to be entertained, inspired, and empowered. Don't Call Me Mid-Life is the podcast where the fun begins, and mid-life gets a whole lot cooler.
Subscribe now and join the mid-life squad on this incredible adventure. Life is an adventure worth sharing, especially in mid-life!
Don't Call Me Midlife
Embracing Sobriety with Stacey Miller [Modern Mom Date]
In this episode of "Don't Call Me Midlife," Alix and Nicole welcome Stacey Miller, whose inspiring journey from addiction to sobriety is a beacon of hope. With 11 years of sobriety, Stacey shares her story of transformation, intertwining motherhood, health, and the conscious choice to lead an alcohol-free life. Stacey's vulnerability reveals resilience amidst personal challenges. We discuss diverse paths to support and treatment, emphasizing the importance of taking control of our drinking habits.
In this episode, we talk about the following:
1. The physiological and mental health benefits of abstaining from alcohol.
2. Seeking support during the sobriety journey.
3. Parental responsibility and communication with children about alcohol.
You can connect with Stacey on:
Website stacymiller.hughandgrace.com
Instagram stacy.t.miller
Facebook Stacy Thompson Miller
TikTok stacytmiller
Join the Midlife Squad:
Want to stay up to date on the Don't Call Me Midlife podcast and community? Click below so we can keep you in the know!
www.itstradish.myflodesk.com/dontcallmemidlife
Hang Out on Social:
Follow Alix on Instagram @everydaywithalix
Follow Nicole on Instagram @touch_of_stass
______________________________________________________________
Help us expand our mom-tourage! Share our podcast with your fellow mom friends and let's conquer midlife together.
Welcome to the Don't Call Me Midlife podcast. I'm Nicole and I'm Alex, where your coffee-addicted, wine-loving, amazon-obsessed mom squad Think of us as your new besties, but with a podcast. Just like you, we're navigating the Google-defined cast of midlife while wrangling a pack of boys. But here's the twist we're more than just moms and wives. We're on a mission to reclaim our identities beyond motherhood and we're bringing you along for the wild ride. Now, we don't pretend to have all the answers to life's mysteries, but we're so good at learning and laughing our way through them. So whether you're sipping from your trusty Stanley, indulging in an oatmeal latte from Starbucks or raising a glass of whispering angel, get ready to hang with us. Together, we'll keep it real, have some laughs and remind you that this crazy journey called life is one adventure worth sharing.
Speaker 1:Today, we have a special modern mom date with Stacy Miller. I am so excited about this. She is intentional wellness, she's all about intentional wellness. She is also sober for 11 years. Isn't that amazing, nicole? Right, it is amazing, yes, I mean. She's so full of life and so full of knowledge and I just can't wait to dive deep into this conversation about sober living, sober curiosity. She's also a mom and has two kids. So we do dive into a little bit about sort of drinking and kids. So you do not want to miss this episode. Keep on listening and you're going to get lots of good nuggets on listening to her sober journey. Yeah, let's meet Stacy. Good morning girls. Hey, how are you? Hi Stacy, good morning, so excited to be here. We're so excited to have you.
Speaker 1:We are pumped that you are here. We have such an exciting episode and this is something that I think is top of mind, probably for everyone listening, that we hope, and if it's not, we hope that this discussion really encourages you to think about it, think about the topic, and I'm so excited, yay, yeah, yay, yes, okay. So we are talking about? What are we talking about, alex? Intentional, intentional. We're talking about intentional wellness, sober, curious, sober living.
Speaker 1:And that's why we brought Stacy Miller here. She is an expert in all of these things and I love that. She calls her business intentional wellness. We know that is one of my favorite favorite words. So let's see what's in your cup, my cup, okay. So Stacy has a mocktail guide that we're going to put in the show notes, and so I made her apple hot toddy because I have a little bit of a head cold. So that's why I can't remember, that's why I have to keep referring to Alex. So I did take a little day quills. It may give me a little loopy, so excuse me there.
Speaker 2:So I'm hoping Good thing there's no alcohol in there.
Speaker 1:Good thing.
Speaker 2:Good thing I'm not taking the day quills with alcohol. It's like dangerous.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Or it could be funny. No, this is my cup. You could be funny.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'd probably be sleeping in a chair, maybe like trying to wake me up, but yeah, no, it's delicious and it's got apple cider vinegar in it and cinnamon and I love it. So thank you, stacy, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2:You're welcome. It's delicious.
Speaker 1:Alex, what's in your cup? Okay, I have something really exciting and I'm so excited about it. But I'm always excited about my drinks. In honor of this episode, you know, I do actually buy a lot of non-alcoholic drinks because I'm not one to make a mocktail. That seems like. I love to cook, I love to do all that, but making a mocktail to me, just I won't do it. So I love that there are so many options out there for non-alcoholic drinks. So what I have now and as if you're watching this is a brand that I really really like. It's called Free AF. When I show this to my husband, he doesn't even know what AF is, so that was sort of hilarious. And this is a Paloma. I actually got it for both of us. We love tequila, we love grapefruit, so I love this brand and it's called Free AF and it's a can and it is such a pretty can too.
Speaker 1:It is a pretty can, it is delicious, it makes you you know if you want to feel like you're having a cocktail or whatever you know different reasons. It's sort of more fun than taking 20 minutes to make a mocktail, to be honest, for me, so I love it, I love it, I love it.
Speaker 2:It's so pretty though mocktails, they are.
Speaker 1:Well, you can make me one. Yeah, I will Next time you come. Okay, you come here. You come here Um Stacy. What is in your cup?
Speaker 2:So it's interesting. You say you don't really like to make mocktails. Because I think no, because I'm with you like, because for so long I didn't make mocktails. So in my mocktail guide it's all super simple ones. So this would be considered some type of mocktail. It is just water with my hydrating detox, which is just like an electrolyte blend. So you know there's so many different flavors of electrolytes and stuff out there, but I love my hydrating detox. It's like a lemon flavor with just water and it just makes me drink it down and I always say add some citrus, like some lime, to it. You know, whatever I love to do a charcuterie board with like different citruses and stuff too to add, but hydrating detox and water for me today what brand?
Speaker 2:do you like? What brand do you use? I use Hue and Grace, Obviously, I love Hue and Grace. It is all hormone safe, um you know, electrolytes and products. So that is what I am currently obsessed with.
Speaker 1:Okay, I love Hue and Grace too. I think their collagen is amazing. It's the best that mix into the coffee and you only have to add a teaspoon of it, which I like, not like a whole scoop of the collagen that gets clumpy. You guys know what I mean. Like I'm not going to take out my frother to put the collagen in this. One is like so easy, I'm going to put it on my coffee bar. And Hue and Grace has awesome put.
Speaker 2:I haven't tried it yet.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'll send you some. It's so good, yeah, so good. Well, I think I'm going to order some. I just need to use up what I have, because I'm notorious for not finishing finishing my thing.
Speaker 1:So that's like that's my thing that I'm trying to get into that, goes back to your minimalist, your minimum, remember, we talked about minimalist on the, on the Maximus, so I probably have 10 different things that I have open right now that I buy. Um, okay, we deter, as usual. Uh, so, stacy, tell us a little bit about you, about your sober journey. Sober, curious, you know, as we said in the beginning, all these words are really trending and when you go to, like any restaurant now, I feel like, whether it's, you know, a fast place or a slow place, they have mocktails, or they call it non-alcoholic drinks, which I really, really appreciate, because there are times I do drink, but there are times when I just don't want to, but I still want to have sort of a fun drink. So, um, I love this topic and I just want to hear your story. How did you get started? What was you know? A little bit about your journey, if you don't mind sharing with us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so mine started pretty messy, honestly, and has evolved over time. So in May I'll be 11 years.
Speaker 1:alcohol free, amazing, and um it's a long time, thank you.
Speaker 2:So it's been such a journey. So, in the beginning, obviously, it was kind of fight or flight. Like you know, I need to figure out my life situation. With my current husband at the time, um, and you know, with all that being said, I couldn't do that with a foggy brain, and so I was like you know, I've got to get sober to do this. He was trying to get sober, he was in rehab, but I kept drinking while he was there, and then I kind of just looked in the mirror one day, and I'm like you know, he's not the only problem in this situation.
Speaker 2:So, um, I knew for me to you know, honestly, I love saying this too Like I didn't have any goals or dreams, really.
Speaker 2:I just sort of felt like I was in this kind of like hamster wheel of life, and, um, I had read somewhere that, you know, alcohol free life frees your mind, and this, that and the other.
Speaker 2:So I knew, though, that, to make some really distinct decisions in my the marriage I was in at the time and just in life, I needed to be alcohol free, and it was really hard, um, but it led me to where I am today, and it's evolved over the years and, you know, in 2020, when things got really hard for everybody, I began to have the courage to talk about it. You know, really, six, seven years into my sobriety journey, I'm like you know what all these people making a joke of this, like this is not a joke. You know, all the alcohol free Everyone was, or all the alcohol drinking in the cul-de-sacs with your neighbors, and this and it was just becoming really, really a problem. And then the toxic mommy wine culture, just that, needing the wine, it just started being everywhere. So I was just like I've got to get loud about this, because I saw what it did for my life and so many people around me that were either going one way or the other.
Speaker 1:So if that comes in, how old were you? So? How old are you now and how old did your journey start?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm 41 now. I'll be 42 in July, and so I was 30 when I replaced the alcohol.
Speaker 1:Did you have kids at that point, or were you pregnant or anything?
Speaker 2:Okay, no, no, I didn't have kids and, honestly, it's interesting that my first husband and I weren't able to get pregnant, like, and there wasn't really any. We were young, obviously, and I mean God willing, you know, god has a plan but we were unable to get pregnant and, sadly enough, my first husband, we got divorced and he continued on in his ways of drinking and drugging and he actually died of an overdose. So my first husband passed away when my son was, when my son with my current husband was just born.
Speaker 1:So yeah, it was.
Speaker 2:It's a lot. It was really pleasant, you know so, and it was just. I mean, people laugh like, oh, it's a gateway. It is a gateway, you know, because your mind is just so. I love that sober curious is out there for people to start having that conversation with themselves about what is this doing for their lives.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you for sharing your story. That is a hard story and you know it's very brave to be able to share this with an open heart. And you know there are some people out there that are not as kind, you know, and can probably just come at you I don't know on social media, but you know you're just staying true to yourself and you know you just have to put out the noise and the people that need you will find you. So it's hard to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is. And I, you know, through my wellness journey that started in 2019 after I've had my kids and I knew be like, okay, I'm aching, walking up the stairs, this, that and the other, I was like, you know, I can turn this around and reframe people's minds. Like sober scares people, but I can help reframe people's minds for sober for the health of it, you know, alcohol free for the health of it. So that's really where my kind of journey has gone the past. You know what?
Speaker 1:five years now, so in 2019, you said you were having trouble moving. What? What journey was that Like? What were you yeah?
Speaker 2:so I had just had two kids in two years. I had my son at 35 and my daughter at 36. And you know, didn't have time to lose any of the baby weight or anything in between those. So I just maximized my baby weight to the end of my daughter and I mean I had gained, you know, about 70 pounds, 80 pounds honestly, and I could not lose that. And so I just was in a dark place again, honestly considering drinking again after all those years. But I mean two babies, big house. You think you're happy. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:But it was just.
Speaker 2:I needed to find that health, and so when I started focusing on my wellness again was when I realized that, like you know what other like I do think that part of that really my strength training and my wellness and my nutrition really was elevated because I didn't have alcohol in my system so I was like it burned even more. You know, I was able to see those quick results and feel great and well, not quick results, but you know what I mean Able to see results and feel good. Because I was like, well, I'm not hungover.
Speaker 2:Like it's 2020, everyone's hungover not me, you know. I'm losing 40 pounds, like whatever. So it's just those little things. When I started talking about it, it started resonating with people like, oh okay, like I don't have to drink to have fun. So that's what I want to try to put.
Speaker 1:I also like about the misconceptions about wellness is when I was doing health coaching, a lot of people thought, well, I just have one glass of wine a night, right, and we know that you don't have to drink a whole bottle of wine for it to affect your body, right, Because the way your body metabolizes alcohol it doesn't matter, right? So I love that. It just started with your health journey and feeling good. And I think this is a big topic because that mommy culture of coming and drinking that glass of wine I know I had my first son 15 years ago is so acceptable, right. It's like those books like Sippy Cups or for Chardonnay and all those type of things. I don't know how we got into this, thinking oh, alcohol will make it better, when actually it doesn't. You're like a worse parent.
Speaker 1:I'm doing the opposite right, you're impatient, you're not getting things done. You know you're eating junk food everything's going to the wayside, you're eating junk food, and then you're trying to wake up and get the kids ready to school. And you're groggy. You may not have a hangover, but you're not feeling good. You're not bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, it's just.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's interesting that you just said you may not be hungover. I had so many people tell me well, I don't ever get hungover. And then when they did the sober 30 with me or have done some one-on-one coaching with me for whatever, whether it be health coaching or alcohol-free coaching, kind of replacing the alcohol they're like, oh, I was hungover.
Speaker 2:I was hungover, I'm like you know, so it is so funny that it is it's hard. It's hard. It is that toxic mommy wine culture is out there. Have you guys heard of the Momwater brand? No, what is that wine? Yeah, it's alcohol and it's Momwater. And they have like a pack you can get called Mom Squad and then and it's like a four pack or the tribe, mom tribe, so they have that. And then there's like one called Mama Rita's and they're like in the pretty pants but it's like it's alcohol and it's like it's.
Speaker 1:so I mean the branding is, I know, clever, you know, but what's it really doing for us?
Speaker 1:You know I remember you just said you just touched upon that. It's hard, right, and I just wanna note about that because it's not easy. When I started my health journey in 2020, I was doing some low carb days, right, and I was, you know, didn't wanna drink on a Monday Tuesday and I remember my first dinner on a Monday Tuesday with girls and I was so obsessed, sort of thinking am I having a drink? Am I not having a drink? What are they gonna think of me if I have a drink? And to me this sounds crazy when I talk about it now, but I hope someone can relate to this. It's like oh, am I not gonna seem like the fun friend if I don't drink on a Monday Tuesday? Like that's so crazy to think.
Speaker 1:And the whole way there I'm going back and forth about this drink and I go there and my friends are having wine and I chose not to drink. I just stuck with it and I usually, if I don't drink, I drink Diet Coke because that's like a treat for me and no one thinks I'm pregnant at 40, you know, 45 years old. So, and I remember you can be, hopefully not Nicole. So I just remember. I'm just sharing this story because I remember that proud, like I felt so proud of myself, I woke up the next morning. I was really focusing on how I would feel that next day, even from one glass of wine. That foggy. I may not be super hungover, right, but and I realized at that dinner it was a very pivotal moment for me is that I can actually go to a dinner and have fun and not have drinks and no one cares, right, they weren't like why are you not drinking? People generally, I find, are only concerned about themselves, right?
Speaker 2:And if someone is really concerned that you're not drinking.
Speaker 1:Well, that's about them, that's not about you. And since then I've gone to lots of dinners, I have done lots of things not having drinks and I've still been fun. I still have my friends. So my long-winded question to you is when you started this hard journey, did you have any family members or friends that sort of doubted you or didn't support you? Cause I've heard lots of in this sober, curious culture of people being like why can't you have drinks, why won't you on drink Almost like shaming people, like Nicole was saying from the beginning. What was your experience with that?
Speaker 2:Yes. So I mean, definitely I have. My sister was actually sober at the same time too, and then when I started alcohol free, she was already sober. So I had support from her. But also, too this is really funny one of my girlfriends. I sent her an email and said, like I'm 30 days sober, I just wanted to let you know. She's like, thank God, you were so annoying when you drank and I Ah, what's up? Hi, hey, what's up, what's up? So I did yes, I mean my brother.
Speaker 2:We did a lot of football games together and a lot of tailgating together for a lot of years. And so I think when, like, it was more of a shock than anything, because it was just sort of out of the blue, because I kept a lot of my drinking to myself, my ex-husband and I had lots of problems, so we had marital problems and we kept a lot of our drinking to ourselves and I definitely secluded myself from some of those friends and it was like we were talking about before in 2013,. I mean, we didn't have. We had old duels. I mean, that was the choice, you know.
Speaker 2:So it was like I was chugging sparkling water and even then there weren't that many options now. So I mean it was really like yeah, I mean there was definitely people that doubted, definitely people that you know I've had to just kind of change my life and get my if I would have continued to go out with certain people like and again, I was younger and didn't have kids, so it was definitely a mind over matter kind of thing for me. You know, like I had to, it was definitely hard. Now I love it now because there's so many options and you're right, like my husband and I go to this really nice restaurant and Charlotte and I mean they have a whole alcohol free menu that they pair with the meal, just like they would do one. I want to go there?
Speaker 1:Yeah, we should come visit you. Do you find that there are different levels, that women come to you with issues Like there may be the functioning alcoholic or somebody that doesn't necessarily think they have a problem but they just want to be sober free versus somebody that is an alcoholic you know that has been for years and like realize is like I need to stop, like I guess are there I don't know if different levels is the correct terminology where somebody may need to go to rehab versus somebody that could use one on one coaching.
Speaker 2:Does that make sense Totally? And yeah, you hit the ball in the head Actually. I think that there I mean, obviously, when you are choosing to replace alcohol, there are different types of treatment. You know plans that you can go forward with and there's not a wrong one, there's not a right one.
Speaker 2:Like I personally never participated in AA because it wasn't the right fit for me with my work schedule, with my work schedule, with my timing, like the times that were available, the meetings I went to. A couple was like 60 year old men, like I don't want to sit in a room with 60 year old men and talk about my drinking, you know. So that's what worked for me. And definitely there are some people that need to go through medicated detox. There are some people that need to be, you know, their hand held every day. There are also some people like me that are like I need to figure some stuff out and like I don't have time to go to rehab, like I'm not trying to be any kind of way, but would that have benefited me Absolutely? But I mean, I had a full time job and, yes, there is family, there is medical leave, there's all the things now, but I worked for my family business and I had to get stuff done and I needed to make a decision.
Speaker 2:And, yes, there are people that just need those replacements, like in my sober third. There's a couple of gals that I'm still connected with from 2020, 2021 that went through my sober 30 program, that are still sober to this day. So they just needed those replacements. They needed that walk through, they needed that day by day, they needed that kickstart. You know they needed their brain reframed. That like, yeah, you're going to be able to feel some hard stuff now, but definitely there are women that need, you know, that out patient program, that need that inpatient program because you know you have it is, you know, a brain situation as well. So we've got to retrain our brain.
Speaker 1:So it's almost like with those people that Nicole talked about, that varied amount of men, women, people it's almost thinking about. If someone's listening to this, do I have a problem? Do I not have a problem, or do I just, you know, want a couple of weeks like sober January or dry January? How does I think about it this way and tell me if I'm wrong Is how does alcohol play a role in your life? Does it control you or do you control it? Right, and I think that's an important thing to notice is that, is that maybe, if someone's questioning you know Nicole's question about themselves a little bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I always like to say, okay, did you promise yourself you wouldn't drink? And then you drink. And how many times has that happened? Did you intend to not drink? Cause? There would be many times that I'd be like, all right, I'm not drinking tonight. Okay, well, I'll just have one, you know. And then it's like for me personally, like one is just like a tease. So I'm like no, I'm going to have to, then I'm going to have to, you know. So I think it's just those promises. Are you keeping those promises to yourself, your family, your kids, you know, and it's all about how you are feeling about it. So I mean, if you keep saying you're not going to drink and then you keep drinking, like we need to have a conversation.
Speaker 1:Well, it's also interesting, because I think alcohol stays in your body for four days. Right, I think it's four days. So, is it really that long?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So oh, it's anywhere from 28 to 78 hours that it takes to metabolize out of your system.
Speaker 1:There was. I talked to Nicole about this and this way I'm you know, I think we're both interested in the topic is a couple of weeks ago I went two weeks without drinking any alcohol. Now I know it's like whoa good.
Speaker 2:Good for you, alex, but it was like you know, I don't, I don't drink.
Speaker 1:I don't drink during the week, but then it would be on the weekend, right? So if someone is also curious, because I did this myself, is I just didn't have any alcohol for two weeks and the difference between that full two weeks as compared to five days, you know, and then drinking on a Saturday and Sunday, was so crazy clear. And I remember I told Nicole I was like I don't know if I'm going to drink again. You know, but I did, but you know, and but it's not a full. It's not a full five days If you're drinking on the weekends and it stays in your system, right.
Speaker 2:Right, right.
Speaker 1:Sure, you have the brain fog and inflammation and all that and the sleep I feel like as we get older. This, so this sober, curious movement, or you know what we want to call it is interesting for people our age and midlife, right, because of the facts that, you know, if I have two glasses of wine, I'm not feeling great the next day. I used to be able to do that. I used to be able to drink a bottle of wine in my thirties and feel fine, apparently, so, but, but, but it's just not worth it, right, as we get older, we're sort of thinking about what can you tell, just like, because you've done a lot of deep dive into this, can you just tell us the health benefits, what you've experienced? Because we hear lots of different things like oh, it's better for us, right, but what does that actually mean?
Speaker 2:So with alcohol, you know, when you are drinking, and especially in our forties and beyond, when we need that hormone release at night, we need that deep quality sleep at night to repair her body, reduce inflammation, hallelujah, yeah, we need quality sleep and facts are in, you know. And when the alcohol disrupts your quality sleep, first of all you may. Oh, I used to tell people, oh, I sleep great. Yeah, no, that was passing out, that was passing out, that is different.
Speaker 2:How many times you've drank and then woke up in the middle of the night between one and three, with the night sweats? Your glute, you know your blood sugar is all over the place. There's there with that. When that happens, when your blood sugar is all over the place, you're storing that fat. Your, your sleep is non, it can't happen.
Speaker 2:You're finding that disorder that's back in the freezer If you want to do a workout the next day. Your muscles and your body are so dehydrated from that. You know you already wake up dehydrated even if you aren't drinking. So imagine all of that. So you know it is just totally wreaking havoc on your hormone health, which in our gut health I mean our gut health and our hormone health. I mean it is just, it is a toxin in our body and you know our body is going to work to get that out first because it is a toxin. And it's just like when you get food poisoning, your body is trying to get that, that disrupted food, out of your system first, so you can't think about anything else. Same thing with alcohol. Your body, it does not know what it is, so it is working overtime to get it out so you can forget any fat burn, any, you know, of those hormone releases that we need at night. So it's in our cortisol, you know, normally goes through the roof with that as well.
Speaker 1:And as a cortisol, is that where, like the anxiety, or what is it called, comes from? You know, I feel like as I get older, it's almost like I don't. I don't have anxiety, thank goodness, but I know if you do that it gets really heightened, even you know any amount of alcohol. So it's like increasing that cortisol level and that stress, you know, which is which is just not fun, right.
Speaker 1:No, that stress hormone does so much for our mind, body, and every day, yeah yeah, so those are the health benefits and the brain fog and just you know, being clear, I see a lot, of, a lot more people in this trend of not, you know, maybe not drinking, but but I also see people lately sort of oh I'm not drinking, but I'm taking a gummy or what, what do you do about it? It's like I'm not drinking but maybe I picked up smoking, like I don't. I don't just don't know how I feel about it. Do you see people like replacing one habit with another, or I don't know what you call that?
Speaker 2:Definitely it's. You know habit, it's replacement. It's a definite habit replacement and this is why so many people that replace alcohol like get addicted to twizzlers and candy and sugar.
Speaker 1:And really I know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah, when I put drinking I had a twizzler bag beside my bed nonstop because my body was used to that sugar and I've had people reach out to me actually on social media that are like, hey, you know you don't drink. Would you love to try? You know my, my dummies, or this, that and the other, and it's just like I just personally don't. That's just not again. When I stopped drinking, like that was just not something that was even a part of my life, or like it wasn't even out there, you know, to wear.
Speaker 2:So, anyway, I mean I, you know not one to down somebody for what I mean I just again, I don't know enough about it, but I do know that I would rather you take a walk than have a drink. Try to replace those with that's what I try to say like, replace those with healthy habits. Enough protein, like you know, so many women that I've helped are like I just, you know, didn't even know that. Like protein would help with my craving. Or a five minute walk would help with the craving and alcohol craving, or doing a puzzle, or you know. I try to just think of these like really simple things that you can do and have out in front of you.
Speaker 2:That's a really good things to know, like the healthy replacements, anything with your hands, like and or just like put your fun, put your water or your hot toddy, your alcohol, free hot toddy and like a fun glass or something that you like. Like that's been huge for people too.
Speaker 1:Yes, and we are. You still have littles, but Alex and I are, we have some teens and that's that's a big conversation for us, right, like the discussion about drinking, you mean with our kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so interesting. Actually, I just picked up my oldest from boarding school and he he talked to me the whole hour and a half home. It was interesting because he goes, you know, I've done a lot of research lately and I was thinking, oh, history or this or that. He's like I've researched a lot about drugs and alcohol, right, and I was like interesting, and he was saying, stacey, what you were saying like, he did like a deep dive into how alcohol affects your body. He's like do you know that alcohol affects your brain and your health? And it can really, you know.
Speaker 1:And I was like almost wanted to sit there and cry. I haven't told you this, nicole, because the information is out there. It's just, and these it's. You know it's a hard topic of conversation and I don't know, you know what you're going to tell your kids when they're older, but it's they're going to do it or they're not, or sort of like how, how to approach it. My parents never talked to me about drinking, that a shot is a beer is a glass of wine, like I had no clue. But that was a different generation, right? So talking to our teens about alcohol, or them seeing us right, I'm really I know, nicole, you and Jerry are really conscious of that as well, as my husband and I. Are our teens seeing us drink, or when we drink, or if we drink, or you know, I think, does that ever come up with your clients, stacey, that you talk about that?
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely. We've taught and actually my sister and I talk about it a lot because she has older kids and she started drinking again after nine years and went through a really rough time for a year and now she's back three years alcohol free. So you know it's hard because she wants to, she wants her kids to, you know, understand what alcohol can do. But you also, we know too, like as parents I mean, my kids are only five and six and I'm like don't do that, so what are they?
Speaker 1:going to do? They're going to do it, you know so it's, it's.
Speaker 2:It's very hard. And yeah, people, I think that you know, leading by example, showing you can have family fun, showing you can do all these things. But when you only see mom drinking at the birthday party, well then in their brain it's like well, it's a birthday party for a six year old, so we must have alcohol. You know what I mean. So I think it's that doing those activities with your family and showing that you as a family and as a unit, you and your spouse, can do things without, you know, having alcohol, I think it's just so important to just lead by example on that and then know that who with the teens I don't even want to think about that yet, but I mean I'll be asking you guys for advice. Good luck with that. But even if you decide.
Speaker 1:Even I have a question for both of you to question. Even if you know I'm not leading a hundred percent sober life. There are times I drink, times I don't. I think it's also a good example for people out there. That sort of want to do both is, you know, showing your kids you can have that one glass of wine right, because that's okay too, that you can be in control and do that. I have a question. You have littles, but what do you think about if you're like out to dinner with your family and my kids have asked me this can I have a sip of your drink, can I have a sip of your wine, a sip of your champagne? Or you know, what do you do, nicole?
Speaker 2:You don't have to say.
Speaker 1:No, no, I don't. No, I don't mind at all. I let my kids have a sip and typically they don't like it. So I, we try not to make things taboo, so it's better. I mean, we just think it's better to like bring it up versus versus hide it. So Jerry, jerry and I, we're not intentionally sober. Frankly, we just don't enjoy it that much. We don't enjoy how we feel I will typically get an instant migraine if I drink, so I just, I just don't.
Speaker 1:We just don't drink. On occasion we will. Tequila does not give me headaches, so I will sometimes have a spicy margarita and when I do, my kids are always shocked and you know. Then we have a conversation like it's okay to have one if you're not driving, and things like that. But it has been my older one that has really asked to try things and he's usually like this is disgusting. I don't understand how people like this and so. And then we're like in private conversations we're like well, one day you may like it, but maybe not now.
Speaker 1:So I think, I think, I think they're curious, I think there is a curiosity. I mean think of when we were, you know, high schoolers and I had a situation where one of my kids actually really likes champagne and we were in Paris. We were in Paris and we said, oh, do you guys? It was a sip. Sorry, it wasn't a whole glass, that's this. I did not get my kids a glass of champagne, but it was Paris and we were excited looking at the Eiffel Tower, yeah. And so each of my kids had a sip. And then, you know, we were there for three nights, every night they had a sip. And then one of my kids, who remains nameless, was like oh, can I just order a glass? But there it's very common. You know, I was talking to people that are there. That again, to not make it taboo and every family has different ways that they do it, but not making it like you're saying, stacy, is such a sacred thing, because that's when you've got kids to go to college and have the alcohol poisoning and you know. So I think it's it's making it seem manageable.
Speaker 1:I guess, yeah, there's so much to learn about teens, because my sister alone was telling me that you know cause they live in Michigan and that you know, when she talks to her son, who's a freshman, she's like listen, be careful, stay in groups if you decide to drink and one of their friends fell asleep in, like the, in the front house, like it was like full of windows and like one of the windows was left open. He's fine, but he woke up and he was not feeling well and somehow he, like they, just his friends didn't notice. But there are situations where kids fall asleep outside and, you know, unfortunate things happen. So there's just more to talk about than health benefits. You know, it's just, it's dangerous and the choices.
Speaker 1:And so you know when, when our oldest has friends sleepover, we're at the conversation like, do we hide the alcohol now Because his room is downstairs and we do have like a little bar set up? We haven't yet, but I don't know. These are, these are things that are coming into our world as we get older and raise our kids. So, nicole, what time is it? It's my favorite time. My favorite is unsolicited advice time.
Speaker 2:My unsolicited advice, you know it really is just be very honest with your kids about alcohol. I mean I talk. My kids are now at that curious stage where they are asking about what's? What is BEER spell, what's alcoholic? They know I celebrate my sober, my sobriety dates every year I'll cry talking about it. We were having fun. But they know that mommy can't drink alcohol. They know that they. I'm very honest with them. I'm like mommy turns into a different person. Mommy will sleep with the neighbor, mommy will. I mean you know what I mean Really.
Speaker 1:But she makes bad choices.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you know what I'm saying. Like it's just, mommy is not mommy, mommy would not be married to daddy. If I drink alcohol, like all the things, and they're just like okay, you know, and so I just that's my advice, like just be open and honest. And if you, the other thing is, if you are feeling the pool that you want to replace alcohol in your life, don't do it quietly, do it loudly. Talk to your partner, talk to your best friend, talk to your spouse, message me, talk to me, tell everybody it like no judgment zones. Like the hardest thing you can do is not have a support unit and try to do it, because there's such a Huge support unit out there now, because, like we talked about, so we're curious is trending for sure, yes, thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Stacey Alex, do you have any unsolicited advice? I? I could just talk about this all day. I just love it. We need to do like a an easy mocktail class, stacey, an easy one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was a shelter in shelter in cranberry. We mentioned the beginning. Stacey does have a mocktail guide which is fun and that could be those fun drinks you can also make with your kids. You know they make a lot of non-alcohol alcohol. Now I went to a restaurant where they had a virgin Margarita and it was actually really, really good, and then my son wanted a drink of it and I was like I don't know, because it does taste like Not sure about that one. Yet I would say my advice is probably, if you are interested In knowing what it feels like to not have alcohol in your body, is what I did is take two weeks, right.
Speaker 1:It is, I used to think honestly, my 30s. I was like there's no way I could go there two weeks without alcohol. Once you do it, it becomes almost like a little addictive, like how good can I actually feel? And I was watching my aura ring and just seeing. And when you start, like Stacey said, those little habits of working out or eating healthy or taking a walk it can be just drinking water in the morning it gets sort of like you know. Then you go back to having a drink and you're like whoa, okay, then you know what it feels like. So it's good.
Speaker 1:I think we are all so busy in this midlife. You know, if, whether and we are not saying to drink or not drink, we want you to be you, but explore what makes your body feel. I mean, I have some friends that are like my blood type is Avnioblock and I'm like, okay, mine's not Right. As I get older, I realize I can't drink as much sugary stuff with wine. So I've sort of tried to cut that out and if I'm gonna have a cocktail. But be curious, listen to your body, take the time, see how you feel when you drink certain things. How many can you drink? Because our body and our hormones, like you're saying, are changing so quickly.
Speaker 1:When I used to be able to have four glasses of wine, now I can have two vodka sodas or one martini. You know, just listen to your body and don't be afraid to go to a girl's dinner and not have drinks. Okay, that is a okay, and you can hang with me. You will still be fun, you will still be dancing, you will still have a good time and you will still be that fun friend. So lots of advice. But but I, I just I love this journey and I love to. I love thinking about this, nicole. What is your advice? Well, I think you ladies touched on a lot of advice and I don't know.
Speaker 2:I can't so much good Come up with any more.
Speaker 1:No, but I think the one thing that Really resonated with me, stacy, is when you said, you know, let's talk about how you feel when you wake up. And this is actually being hungover and kind of leaning into, do, questioning yourself like am I breaking promises? Like, if you're questioning, am I, do, I, do I have a problem or do I Do, I am I sober curious? Just lean into it, you know, you, there's no, there's nothing wrong with it and there's no shame. Yeah, no labels, yeah.
Speaker 1:There's no judgment either way if you're someone that's like I love my martinis, I love it. That's awesome. That is so good for you. We support everybody. Stacy, what is your Instagram? How can we find you? Because you have so many nuggets of your intentional wellness that I love. What is your? What's your Instagram? How can our listeners find out more about sweet you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you. It's um Stacy STACC Y dot T dot Miller. And then I have a little bio that you can click on. There's lots of things in there that you can check out. You can message me directly lots of people do that and share your story and I'll be happy to chat and direct you in all the great ways and it's actually her that answers.
Speaker 1:So there's no bot, it is me. I will say that Stacy does answer and she also has a walking challenge that starts this month, because it is what is it? Sleep awareness month.
Speaker 2:It's sleep awareness month and one of the really cool things about, you know, replacing alcohol is your quality of sleep.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I'm wearing a walking challenge. So check that out. She also has lots of good information that we have talked about. But thank you so much, stacy. Thank you for being vulnerable to this story, because I know you've touched our lives today just by sharing your story. So you keep on going, girl. You keep let's get fun mocktails out there, let's. Let's keep on doing that, keep on having celebrating your sober date which. What is it?
Speaker 2:It is a May 10th, so yeah right before Mother's Day, perfect, yeah, yeah. So we don't do much bottomless mimosas here.
Speaker 1:Either do I. Can't drink on Sundays, that's too.
Speaker 1:All right you guys are the best. Talk to you later, and that's a wrap for today's episode of don't call me midlife. We hope you had as much fun as we did. Absolutely, your support means the world to us. If you're just waiting in the carpool line, don't forget to follow the show, and if you're feeling extra spicy today, leave us a rating and review before we part ways. We've got a special invitation for you. Join our newsletter to stay in the loop with all things midlife, magic, bonus content and more. Head on over to the show notes for how to sign up. We can't wait to keep the conversation going. And, of course, remember, in the whirlwind of life and motherhood, don't forget to fill up your own cup first. Your extraordinary and your journey is worth every moment Until next time. Cheers you.